I'm a monster... RAWR!!

OK.... so it's now almost a month that I've been seeing "B"... so far all is well... I think. I've been talking to a few other guys lately too, none have caught my interest really. Oddly enough there's a couple that is interested in meeting me,lol. A "polyamourous" couple... PC term for an open relationship? Anyway, I don't think I can do that. But I am highly flattered they are a very beautiful duo, just not the thing for me I am a one on one kinda gal.

Anyhow. B is still a very sweet guy, and we do have fun together. But ultimately I don't know what, if anything will come of this. I like him a lot, but I just don't see us having anything more than what we have right now. Which is more of a really good friends with benefits relationship, plus a bit extra. He is going to try and up my geekness level by trying to get me into playing Dungeons & Dragons. It seems interesting, if somewhat involved, but not sure how into it i can get really. We'll see, we have our first meeting of this group on Saturday ha ha. Wish me luck?

Had a few days where I was severely depressed, thinking about Chris a lot, and even, dare I say, missing him a lot. To the point where I almost called him. But I stopped myself from doing it. I don't know where it all came from. I had a dream about him one night that totally threw me for a loop and woke me up. And i just had him on my mind for a long time after. He has been popping into my mind now and then since then. It's annoying that I thought i was doing so well, and i literally cried thinking about him the one day. That disturbed me. Is still kind of bothering me, but I just don't know what to do about it. So, I almost told B I couldn't see him anymore because it was messing with me for a while . I mean B and I are not a 'couple' just dating. But I just wanted to push him, and everyone else, away from me for awhile. I guess I still care about Chris more than i thought and am still a lot more wounded and guarded because of him than I let myself believe. Which being able to admit sucks because I don't like that it still hurts and bothers me. Also, it makes me feel bad about the whole B deal because he's a good guy and i don't wanna hurt him, especially not because of a man that i have lingering feelings for who pushed me aside without a second thought. UGH... matters of the heart suck ass.

Other than that what else has been going on... oh yeah I got a new tattoo a week and a half ago. Two koi fish on my left shoulder in honor of my Mommy. Purtyful isn't it? I'm loving this one so much I'm already plotting my next one, he he.

Other than that life is OK. I go work and come home, or go to work and go hang out with B. Weekends I'm either running errands then hanging out with B, or running errands and coming home and watching movies or playing video games or reading. Basically I have no life, ha ha. But I am putting money away in savings and praying to whatever god(s) will listen to get me an apt here in Oct-ish or let me win the lotto so I can pay off all my debts and buy a house, hahaha. Either way would make me happy.

I can't think of anything else to say so I'm going to go to bed now.